Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
