Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
