i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am naked and annoyed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
