i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you will always have a special place in my vag
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
