It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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