so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
