Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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