she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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