Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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