butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
