Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
