At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
