Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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