Kiss
Puke
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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