i will never coherently bang her
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
