Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
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Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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