Your mouth is God's brothel.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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