you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
