Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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