You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
