You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
