So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
