It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
