Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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