none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it glows. i had to have it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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