I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
