i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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