This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
