Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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