walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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