look no pants
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
