Can i not drive my cunt home
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
