I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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