I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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