bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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