well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
