Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
