I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
