just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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