I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
