i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
