Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
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just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Two words: nipple clamps
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