Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
