I got chris browned last night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
