Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
They have beer where we have blood.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
