sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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