OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
from now on my penis is your penis
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
this hospital has no fireball
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
