His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
