it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
