i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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