I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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