Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
now i know why i became what i already was.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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