im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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