my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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