wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
