I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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