uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
