I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
