My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
the liver wants what the liver wants
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
