He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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