Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
