it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
