cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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