That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
